Good Morning, Father
by RaspBerryStars
Summary: Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'
1. Introduction

**Title:** Good Morning, Father – Introduction  
**Author:** quick_ly  
**Character/Pairing:** Lily Luna Potter  
**Rating:** PG  
**Word Count:** 774  
**Summary:** Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'.  
**Author's Notes: **Yay for a brand new story, and even better, a new Lily story! Small warning though, this is the same Lily from my other story _Leave Me Alone, I'm Reading_, and thus might seem a little AU to most of you. I'm not saying you have to read that to get this, because this story is pretty !crack anyway, but it may help. Also, this story is very similar to _So You're a Masochist_ by zooeypotter and _Harry Potter's Guide to the Dark Arts_ by opalish (both of which are AWESOME!). Just putting that out there. Anyway, please comment if you want more (although I'll probably write more no matter what you say...)

**Disclaimer:** All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.

Super big thanks to beforestormier for being a great beta! You're awesomely awesome and everyone should know it!

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Good Morning, Father

Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'

**Written and Edited by Lily Luna Potter, with Additional Commentary from James Sirius Potter, Albus Severus Potter, and a Few Other People**

"An incredibly dark and frightening look at our society's horrific and all around terrible habits.

OR IS IT?"-_ The Quibbler_

"A total thumbs up, ladies! We give this rock'n tale 5 cauldrons!" - _Witch Weekly_

"Clearly, Harry Potter's unhealthy need for attention hasn't escaped his so called '_daughter_'" - Rita Skeeter, _The Daily Prophet_

"The incredible lack of brooms is astonishing. What is this rubbish?" - _Which Broomstick?_

"Her father was one of mine!" - Horace Slughorn, Former Hogwarts Professor

Also New From Phoenix Press Inc.

_Our Time; an inside look at the infamous Dumbledore's Army, and what it was _really_ like for its Members _by Neville Longbottom

_Darkness through My Eyes _by Lucius Malfoy

_Ten Ways to _Not_ Die _by Ron Weasley

_What to do When Your Heliopath Won't Set Fire; a_ _Guide to Wrackspurts, Nargles, and Pudding (Among Other Things)_ by Luna Lovegood

_Hermione Granger's List of Completely Necessary Pieces of Literature; Volume 1 _by Hermione Granger

_Life on the Run_ by Harry Potter

_Hermione Granger's List of Completely Necessary Pieces of Literature; Volume 2 _by Hermione Granger

**Copyright Phoenix Press Inc. 2022 – (if you ever think about claiming this as your own, I'll tell my father you're a Sex-predating-Death Eater who sexually harassed me, and no, Dad hasn't ever really been one for 'talking things out'.) **

…

Introduction from the Author

Well, hello there, I suppose introductions are in order; I'm Lily Luna Potter, daughter of Harry James Potter and Ginevra Molly Potter (née Weasley), sister of James Sirius Potter and Albus Severus Potter, granddaughter of Lily Potter (née Evans) and James Potter, niece of… many, and you are currently lucky enough to be reading my first and (so far) only novel, for which I must say _thank you_. Honestly, I'm not really sure if I would qualify myself as a particularly interesting person, so this book might not be too exhilarating, but I will try to the best of my abilities to make it fun and not boring. Hopefully, you won't find it amazingly terrible and end up trying to kill me (that's the dream, anyway.) However, since I know that there might be some out there who want to murder me anyway (Dad does have quite a few enemies), I feel the need to educate you on what will and will not be found in this book, just so that we're all on the same page.

**You Will Find** –

-What it's like to have Harry Potter as a dad

-What it's like to be really, _really_ smart

-The inner workings of a Weasley-family gathering

-Secrets (maybe…)

-Tips on surviving killers

-Tips on surviving Ginny and Molly Weasley

-Tips on not dying (see above tips)

-What to do when a group of Death Eaters are standing outside your house, waiting to murder you

-What a "Phoenix-Child" is

-My thoughts on Muggles, and pure-blood supremacy

-How to find love when all the boys in your life are obsessed with your father

-And more (or less - I haven't decided quite yet.)

**You Will **_**Not**_** Find** –

-Harry Potter's boxer size

-Any form of poetry

-Harry Potter's favorite sexual position

-My home address – _how stupid do you think I am?_

-Any tips on getting Harry Potter into bed (it's been over twenty years – move on Chang!)

-How to dismantle an Unforgivable Curse

-Secrets (maybe)

-Any form of affection towards a Death Eater (for more information, see _my last name_)

-Anything else that has not been listed

So, now that we've got that settled, those of you who are still reading (which, I'm guessing, isn't many – I think my lack of 'seducing Harry Potter' tips may have scared quite a few off), it is of utmost importance that you gather a pen and paper (this book is filled with knowledge – take advantage of it!), grab a glass of water, maybe have a snack (I suggest fish and chips, but that's just me), and prepare for a novel unlike any other, because everything you thought you knew about the Potters is about to change (unless of course you're a Potter yourself, or are, you know, a close friend – if so, you mightn't find too many revelations, but it is sure to be an enjoyable read.)

Well, this should be interesting…

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Like? Dislike? Click that _review_ button to tell me how you feel!


	2. Chapter One

**Title:** Good Morning, Father – Chapter One  
**Author:** quick_ly  
**Character/Pairing:** Lily Luna Potter  
**Rating:** PG  
**Word Count:** introduction; 774, chapter one; 1,182  
**Summary:** Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'.  
**Author's Notes: **Alright, here's chapter one (or is it chapter two?) I don't think it's quite as good as the first one, but I suppose that's for you to decide. Again, a big thank to my lovely beta beforestormier. 

**Disclaimer:** All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Alright, before we get started, something recently occurred to me that I think needs to be properly addressed.

Dad's a very famous person. There's simply no getting around it. Any and everyone who lives in and/or is aware of the wizarding world knows who he is. I mean, he's Harry Fucking Potter for Merlin's sake, how could you _not_ know who he is? And that's not even the half of it.

Dad is (for lack of a better word) adored. Everyone (and I mean _everyone_) loves him; wizards, witches, goblins, giants, half-giants, former Death Eaters who feel a tremendous amount of guilt, you name it. Something about him saving the wizarding world tends to make people happy.

It's a little creepy, but that's not the point.

The point is that Dad's pretty popular, and thus his family (i.e. me) is moderately popular, and that brings us back to the entire reason I'm saying (writing) all this;

You.

So, and correct me if I'm wrong (even though I won't be), but one day you were browsing the shelves of Flourish & Blotts and came across an interesting book with the name Potter on it, and you're thinking _could it be _the_ Potter_, so you, being the curious person I'm sure you are, read the back and, sure enough, this book was written by the daughter of _Harry Potter_. And, because one simply can't pass up a chance to read a book written by a Potter, you buy said book without really knowing what it's about, and exit the store with a smile on your face and happiness in your eyes. But now, as you're reading _Good Morning, Father; Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'_, only one thought is running through your mind;

Why do I need to read this, Harry Potter isn't _my_ father.

That's where you're wrong. Sort of.

While Harry Potter isn't actually your dad (unless of course you're James or Albus, or Daddy's got a whole other life I don't know about), here are plenty of legit and important reasons to read this book:

- What if you were to wake up one day and _boom_, you're related to a celebrity and – _what's this?_ – you've got no idea what to do. How do you handle these paparazzi people? What's the best way to make sure your newly famous family member doesn't go crazy? Is there a proper reaction for when _The Daily Prophet _claims your sister's a prostitute? Well, this book has the answer for you.

- Now, I'm not going to say you're stupid (after all, it's not as though I know you), but I'm… really, really smart, and thus think my book might have a lot to offer to those who are… not so smart. And hey, admitting that maybe you're not the brightest wand in Ollivanders shop is the first step, but you can't give up after that, and reading this book might help out a bit.

- You could be reading a lot worse. Try to remember that.

- Well, you will learn quite a bit more about Harry Potter, although none of it will be any use in creating a romance (and/or sexual) relationship between the two of you.

- I suppose it's possible that you could become famous, but let's try and keep things realistic, shall we?

Well, I'm sure there are many more reasons why you should be (and hopefully _are_) reading this book, but I'm not in the mood the elaborate on them. Let's just think of it like this; if you read the book, you'll be happy, and you don't, you'll be unhappy.

On to the chapter! Now, I thought that since this is the first chapter, and I'm still adjusting my groove, that it should be pretty simple and fun, so this might seem a little boring to some of you. But worry not! As we continue, I'm sure you'll find something to your liking.

…

Chapter One; Who is **Lily Luna Potter**?

If you don't know who I am, it's not at all a big deal. It just means you're a bit uninformed (and didn't read the introduction!) Well, my name is Lily Luna Potter and I live at a secret location (no seriously – it's under the Fidelius Charm) with my mum, dad, two older brothers, sometimes visiting God brother (he's got his own room and stays here all the time – but Teddy technically lives at a flat with my cousin, Victoire) and our house elf, Kreacher, who, it should be noted, is a very efficient worker, although he spends way too much time being cooped up in his room (mum and dad built it around this irritating portrait of Mrs. Black, a pro-pure-blood woman who used to live in our house.) Now, for all intensive purposes I'm a very normal girl (well, my IQ's a little higher than the average seventeen year old girl (and I'm fourteen), but aside from that I'm just like everyone else), however, there is one specific aspect of my life that's not quite so normal.

Dear old dad. _Harry Potter_.

Yes, Harry Potter. _The _Harry Potter. You know, The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, The Guy Who Totally Kicked Voldemort's Ass and Saved Us All.

Yeah, that's Daddy. And in case you're wondering, _no_ – having a famous-as-hell father does not make for the most traditional upbringing.

For one thing, you always have to be on the look out for someone trying to kill you, which tends to be a bit of a stressor (not to mention ruins any chance of a peaceful afternoon.) Then there's the whole _my father's a celebrity_, so there's all that comes with that (which is a lot…) And, to add to it all, I've got to deal with all the _we love your dad_ shit that _never _ends….

But enough about that.

You see, what I'm trying to fill you in on is that this book is not going to be some lame, _written by a child _type of thing, and that you're not about to get yourself into some horror-like-book, that you're going to enjoy this whether you like it or not.

Yeah, that's not pushing at all.

I mean, I really do understand why someone might be skeptical about this (to be perfectly honest, there's no chance in hell I would ever read a book by a fourteen year old), but, and I mean this quite literally, _you can't be!_ This book is being written by someone way smarter then you (I know that's a little mean, but it's true), someone who knows things you simply don't, whose had experiences you'll never have.

_Am I making you feel bad yet? _

What I mean to say is – if you allow it to, this book will blow your fucking mind.

Anyway, I think that's all for now, but (_**spoiler alert**_) next time we'll be driving into the inner workings of a Weasley-Potter (-Lupin) family gathering.

Yes, that does sound exciting.

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As always, review make me feel giddy inside!


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